Hard Times

Today life brought many surprises as it usually does on Tuesdays.  Or for that matter everyday of the week, of the year, of the stars of the moon of the sky.  Were the heavens not so close just a moment ago?  So, a dear friend of mine today found out she was denied the freedom of living in the United States and now faces a future and a reality that has taken her 8 long years of uncertainty to come to the realization of.  Now she laments the hardships that reality bring her and thus she cries and cries.
Can we pretend to say that we know what another is experiencing without putting ourselves in that experience itself.  Each day cognition is coming back and the strength of the mind is returning as though the vacation ride of life is now on the moon as though it were there always.  The mind can always find hard times just as easily as it finds the happy ones, the ones so full of love and light.
Such is my challenge to the reader. Can you find light in darkness? Or darkness in light? Perhaps shades of it can be seen if we look and watch carefully but then we see that love has arisen just look into her eyes.
Can we continue pretending to wait for the other or shall we take a step forward ourselves?  Who is to say, who is to guide the way?
To wait or not to wait for the divine to unravel, the work for push for the show to unmarvel.  I don't always know the way but I continue to trust, that trust in the air is always a must. In hard times or good I have my moments and you have yours too.  Lets not stay away for too long as tomorrow is already almost gone.   

Gotta Go

Sedentary Movement

To learn, how can I when I have not let go of that which I have known.  I strangle the thoughts of the dead again and again only to learn that I have lived in sedentary movements.  Withdraw, withdraw into the corner which you seek to find the peace that becomes the man who seeks his own internal bliss.  Withdraw into the night letting go of the darkness and cold that surround you finding love that won't let you go.  He is strong and he is mighty who can let go of all that he is in search of the internal light eternally shining.  The voices so happy and full of love that surround him with the gifts that can come only from above.  The surface its rough but not to tough his heart it aches for that special place.  Come let me be, come move through me, come set me free.  Freedom is found in the unbound eternal glimpse of eternal bliss.  Come have a drink with me, come share a dance with me now leave me to my sorrow, why can't I love myself.  Let the motion move motion and movements like this, lets fly through the atmosphere in this sedentary bliss. 

Random thoughts #1

All the plans, all the things we think we know…everything, everything, everything is nothing and nothing, nothing, nothing is everything.  We are here now and for a time we will be here.  Then we will leave and we will be gone forever.  Who knows where, who knows why but what we do know is what we can and do do whilst we are here on this God forsaking planet called earth.  We try and we try to reach for the outer stars without realizing that all that light that shines so bright from the brightest stars are merely a reflection of that which is already in us.  And so we are here standing, sitting, walking, squirming and our way we do not know.  What we think we have is gone and what is gone will leave us one day the same way it came to us in the first place.  So keep what is yours or give it away.  How can we connect back to our heart when we lost it, or gave it away in the first place?  Do we pray standing, or pray kneeling or do we do as we please leaving the notion of prayer up to the holy of holies?  What does it mean to be holy?  Can one be holy? Or does  one merely strive to be holy; each day coming closer and closer into contact with the holy of all holies.  Or do we live as mere animals jumping from here to there pronging onto this then the next.  Waiting to exhale just so we can breathe the same filthy breath that we breathed the first time and then we don’t remember what it was in the first place. So where is man to go from here when he is lost, he has lost his heart and lost his mind.  He has given them to the gods and demons and vultures of the planet so he may survive his fateful or fleeting death that he so wildly chases like a bull riding trying to tame his bull until in that moment or in that instant he is bucked off and given his right of passage to the outer world…or is that what he even wants?  Perhaps he wants to stand in the rain and feel the rain drops just this once rather than try to hide beneath the protective barriers of his umbrella.  So how shall he shine, what colors will he be, how will he do it, how does he see it, where will he stand in the face of all that confronts him or that he himself confronts for himself?  These are questions which have not been answered and yet they are in the very process of being answered.  Truthfully and skillfully darkness lurks trying to find its way into the heart of man.  And man must first confront this darkness before he can strive for the light.  Or can he do both simultaneously?  This is the question that confronts man who has no place to go and hide to work on himself.  He must stand in his strength and his weakness and trust that where he is intended to go and what he is intended to do must be as it is, nothing more and nothing less than that which is given unto him or lest it be taken away.  Writing his thoughts flawlessly because they come from the ease of nothing and the strength of nothing but the truth that is within him longing to be opened up and expressed to himself and those whom he may or may not know.  That though we stand alone, in some strange and mysterious way we are connected together yet we cannot rely on this strength alone because it may lead us down a path of the unrighteous or to the righteous truth that lives within me and everyman for that matter.  So he confronts the things externally with the internal reality of not wanting some things to leave but rather wanting other things to stay as they are where they are.  This is an incomplete man who has not yet fully searched the inner workings of his life to find his strength in that which he has and is.  Sobriety then is the key to clarity and clarity is the vision of truth which precedes the mastery of that thing which is intended to be accomplished in union with itself not giving itself to other things or nothing unnecessarily but standing in the truth that he has cultivated for himself and by himself through which he has found every lasting peace and joy within the chaos of all that surrounds him. 

The Agony and Ecstasy—and 'Disgrace'—of Steve Jobs | The Nation

The Agony and Ecstasy—and 'Disgrace'—of Steve Jobs | The Nation

Am i in or am i out?

Have you ever asked yourself a questions like this in your life, your job, your marriage or just getting up in the morning?
Figuring life out can be a daunting task and knowing who we truly are can be tricky.
I find it amazing how much we can trick ourselves into thinking and believing things about the world and ourselves within it without looking for clarity just a bit.
One of my core beliefs I hold dear to my heart is how much we all want to be kids again...well at least for some of us adults. But I also say that we are still kids and always will be. Some psychologist have examined that most people never grow up past the age of 5 emotionally which can in some cases be the cause for immense pain and suffering or "everlasting freedom and joy" depending upon which side of the mountain we are on.
I digress, getting back to the main point of this memo is simply to consider the idea that if we are as I believe children than most if not all of us are making up reality as we go along.
A quick story if I may.
When I was about 7 or 8 and my sister was about 5ish we used to hang out, make up games and play them.  One of the games we used to play we will never forget probably because we had so much fun copying our father who had always run his own business. The game, like the hit Television program was called "Office." We'd set up pillows on the floors and stack then upright so as to take the place of dividers like we see in office cubicles. We would search dads closet for old deposit slips, credit cards, invoices and whatever else we could find to pretend we were officially and office. I can't really remember if we were actually selling or marketing a product or a service but I do remember that inner freedom how much fun we had doing it.
But something happens to many of us adults when the office becomes real, the checks are attached to a bank account the creditors are expecting their payments and it's time to reorder the paper.  We call that life and we say that's being responsible. And yes indeed these things are what they are and there is no question that we have to deal with them by being responsible but I also want to encourage the notion of making it fun, enjoying those experiences and yes keep it simple too. Life is just to short not to be true to ourselves so those of you who got it all figured out my plea to you is to go help the person who may not be otherwise inclined. And if you're anything like me and don't know your nose from the ground...well...there is hope for you but the first thing to do is remember who you were as a child, see that your full of love and light no matter what happened or what you thought happened. Go play a game or at least call your sister and tell her how much you enjoyed having her around when you were growing up and how much she meant to you or your brother or father or mother or grandmother...you get the point. The more you love yourself and allow yourself to be loved the more the world will open up to you and allow you to be that beautiful little child you were, are and always will be.

Conversation with an angel

Yesturday night I experienced some realizations about my life that I thought I would capture as a poem. So here it is, I hope you enjoy it. Its called Conversation with an angel. Christopher

Poem

He walked along the broken path
As he stumbled from place to place
The night was clear but it was dark as his happiness seemed to leave his face
He was dismayed by all the other faces he saw
Unrest, no peace struggle for all
Worried he sorrowed for all the pain that he felt
As if he was handed a flop, the cards he was dealt
He found nothing to live for nothing but love and that was the moment he was lifted above
He floated high on the clouds way up in the sky
The angel appeared even though he was high
Sites unseen went speedily by like flashes of light that lit up the night
His arms wide open for all the love he could give but something inside he just couldn't forgive
Life is a journey a struggle at best
But then that one angel sung him to rest
By the time he awoke in the presence of the light he new that he could not continue the fight
The presence of angels surrounded him there that one holy night God showed him his flare
Upon him were blessings that went all through the night
The night he laid down his will he was given sight
Sight to see all that was love
Sight that shined from heaven above

Open Mic Chris the Kiss ~08.15~ @ Riptide in SF

31 Years of wise non-wisdom

Keep working even when the going gets tough. Challenge your mind, your brain and your body to pull through even when the going gets tough. Give yourself space. Be discerning. Use compassion but be on guard. Protect thyself by the natural and abiding laws of the universe. Be aware and never be to sure. Always take time to evaluate. Lower your mind lower than the earths dust. Every master has been a servant. Service brings forth fruit for the spirit. Go for it but don't be surprised if you don't get what you thought. On the other hand don't be surprised if you get exactly what you thought. Raise the level of the game by playing against yourself. Others are not the game. Love your enemy but be prepaired for the friend to hate. Talk straight but hold your tongue. Others trust what they see and hear. Chose words with caution and speak sharply. Take care of yourself and others will be taken care of. Don't trust your feelings, discern your emotions and protect your heart. Share a glass but don't pour another unless you are sure you can handle the consequences of your actions. Guard your heart in word, thought and deed. Do good works for the overall benefit of the freedom it brings. Live.Love.Work.Play.Pray

Happy Independence Day

What does it mean when someone utters those words, "happy Independence day."
Naturally many interpretations can be accounted for. The first of which lives in the world of a "kind gesture" or "acknowledgement" of another.
I can't help but take a deeper look at the Independence of today and what it actually means with regard to societal standards.
Today I had the awesome privilege of doing what many Californians do who live near the coast, hang out at the beach. Fun in the sun is always enjoyable especially on such a glorious and freeing day. I came back with a sweet tan which in most peoples world means there summer is really off to a great start. However I also came back with the courage and passion to write what will be my own personal independence message to myself as a decoration to the world. So here goes! This is what I say is my own personal independence. I am not necessary encouraging others to follow suit but I don't think it would be a bad idea if you were to participate. After all its your life and your independence.

I will fly with angels
I will meditate on love
I will see others as love
I will listen with my heart and speak from my soul
I will confess my sins
I will stand for the betterment of man and his circumstances
I will ignore mindless rhetoric
I will clean up after myself
I will love my wife with all of my heart
I will raise my children in the spirit of love
I will pray
I will forgive myself and others
I will stand strong in the face of weakness
I will accept death
I will practice love
I will be a contribution to others and the world
I will follow my heart
I will make a difference in peoples lives
I will manage my (spiritual, physical, mental and emotional well being with great importance
I will fall in love
I will write and record a CD with my own music and lyrics (and hopefully other musicians)
I will be a voice for change in our nations: Government, Educational System and Medical System
I will study medicine (especially brain medicine)
I will work hard and take time for a break only when absolutely necessary or when time to refuel
I will be a leader
I will stand up for what I believe in
I will restore relationships with all those whom I have hurt and/or ask their forgiveness

Exchanging life for something more

A dear and wise friend of mine once told me, "everything in life is an exchange."
As days pass and time moves forward I am beginning to realize the truth of this statement.
Just imagine when a friend is down and in need of something they haven't been able to find on their own. Though their actions may not demonstrate this need for example: anger may be present, anxiety may be there, frustration may manifest itself, confusion may be taking over. But underneath that barrier, that surface something is brewing that is in need. It may be something dark that needs light or it may be something heavy that needs to be lifted. It may even be something dense that needs to be set free.The kind of free that equals freedom. The kind of free where the restraints of the moment are lifted and access to the true loving being is able to emerge once again.
Thank you all people who light up the world and bring love into the lives of those around you. You are the one's that are the access for the world around you to emerge into its own greatness.

A Tuesday night poem

Lying awake in my bed
There is so much noise in my head
Its making me worry about the little things
As if I'm just a pawn in this world of kings
But dear God won't you take these thoughts away
Dear God won't you turn my mind to clay
Mold me, make my mind think clear
Spirit of life give me the strength to endure
Cause you are marvelous in every way
You are beautiful there's not much else to say
So hold on, be strong and find your way
This time around that's all I have to say

Making music makes me happy!

So I have been playing around with making music, you know singer songwriter kind of stuff. My momma was a concert level pianist and my dad a collegiate trombonist for Michigan State. My choice for music as self expression has been my guitar and writing lyrics. Its just something that really connects me to my heart and others.
The song that I have posted in this blog is a very mello tune I wrote about my dad. It is about my feelings and the emotions I have toward him. He has always been a pillar of strength for my life and this is the best way I can let him know. It starts out somewhat slow but picks up so if you decide to listen please be patient :)

The song is called "You are my Hero"

I'd love for you to check it out. Of course, it is all very rough, mostly recorded via my IPhone. I hope you enjoy it!

P.S. if any of it "my music" touch your heart or your soul I'd love for you to leave or comment or let me know!
Muchas Gracias!!

I can't, yes you can, no, yes

I'm telling you as I've told you a thousand times before.
I just don't think, NO, I know I can't do it.
Of course you can what are you concerned about, what is bothering you,
this isn't the you I know.
I told you as I mentioned I just know...well...ahhhhh!
I just can't!
Sometimes you should really learn to trust yourself.
You see,
Unknowns may always haunt our inner world but truth shatters fear
and brings clarity...the only way to truth is trust and belief in the
certainty that the unknown will always be but unless we look for the
light in the midst of the darkness we may never find the illumined
path we so deeply desire.

Advice for the Holy People...and Regular People Too

Life is not only spiritual. Life is very much practical.
Please keep this in mind as you engage or converse with your spiritual children and others. Most humans have desires that are of this world and have to do with living to the best of their ability. Not every human being is called to be perfect nor try to be but we can all do our best to be good practicing human beings. Yes moods change like the weather and energy shifts like the wind but one thing that never changes and always stays constant is love.
So even if our spirit isn't perfectly aligned with our mood, our energy, our view or our intention please be present to the love that is always present, constant everywhere and always!

Shedding light on life. by Christopher

It is all too common in the world today that more and more people are searching to understand their humanity and their reason for existence in a frantic and even desperate manner. With self help at the peak whilst religion stands in flux and science capping out on trying to explain the inner workings of our physical world it is no wonder that life remains a mystery. Whilst humans continue grasping for money and experiences like a sprinter grasps for air.
Economies are down, politics is shaky and war is on the rise. Today there are thousands of Jesus and Buddhas running around making their way into the hearts of man or...turning them to run for the hills. But what are humans afraid of after all. Its as if all the elements for paradise are all lined up yet we are still and continue to be detached, defragmented, the opposite of united and no one is truly happy.

Poet-losphy

Balance is achieved by strengthening ones inner world, ones inner conversation with oneself. This comes by achieving an inner peace within oneself. How is this achieved I ask? Through meditation and prayer? Saying words over and over again to connect the mind with the heart or to let go entirely and be watchful of that which comes into the mind and heart in stillness, peace and calm?
Is there a devil? I do not know! Is there evil? Is evil to harm the body, to harm the mind, to harm the heart of man? To wound his inner spirit or his inner soul?
Does a man cry out for mercy and how is mercy given to him? Is it all a felling? Is it nothing more than an experience of living energies being poured out unto him? Or does he generate the expression from within himself and that now he is open enough to experience within himself that which already surrounds him and already has from the beginning of time? To say or repeat is a form of self remembering and form of resolving the unsaid so that what one is looking for may return unto himself that he may again experience the inner bliss that he knew whilst he was in the whom of his mother or sucking on her breast for milk.
Man is forever attached to his mother. When he leaves her it is only to go looking for the feminine energy that he can give her and take from her to receive the love that he needs to give and receive. Giving is love. Love is God.
So why would someone want to live in depravity of that which wants to love him his whole life. It is possible that this is the only way he can maintain his peace. To find himself in the silence of his own heart?
Through that silence that brings him back to that place of being again in the whom and sucking on the breast of his mother.

A Thursday Poem

In the silence of the night the sorrow that was inside of me tried to take me away
I lied there helpless to the sounds of it's thunder convincing me it was the only way to go
I saw the mystics in their power try to reach me and my humanity held me back
The morning came and the sun lifted me up and led me to it's bright rays
That said,
I am the source if energy
It is I who gives you life
Come to me and I will give you strength, power and force to go beyond the limits and tend toward the energies of heaven
The water came next and said thirst no longer saying I am the eternal well who gives freely to those who come and drink
Then the forces that be came from within and showed me all that I had seen was true.
I withdrew my guns and swards and laid them down.
Let nature give all that it gives and take all that the universe gives freely.
Smile, love and forever you will fly!

Dear God...

Dear God why do I cry inside....why have a sunk to despair?
Why is it that one moment I am on a high and the next moment I am on a low...
Why do I one day desire the things of the world and the next day I want to sink away into nothingness?
Can you give me the answer the one that I need to know
Will you being me peace the kind that I've been looking for?
When will you just take me away...breathe into my existence and let me fly away with you
My thoughts are thick and my experience is deep. 
Maybe one day I'll figure it out or maybe there is nothing to figure out maybe all there is is to accept...the way things are the way they are...this is the purpose that drives me away
Maybe I can have it all! All that I desire but then what will I be giving up to get that?
Will I become hardened like the rest of them?
Will I sacrifice love to gain all of the things?
Will I prove myself right to be the one that gets the recognition?
People want to be loved and to be taken care of.
So what can be said except God give me energy...let me fly like the birds in the sky and let the wind take me away...thats what I want and it's what I need...bring me stability and peace of mind that I may ground myself in truth and life...breathe into my core the breath of life 

Sunday morning thoughts...

I have very low energy...I cannot feel my heart or presence love for myself or others...I often presence the past...how much pain I have caused others...is it because of my suffering that I have caused others to struggle? Why am I on this planet? 
I am not here...I am between here and somewhere else. I am suffering because I do not feel connected to the source...sometimes I am connected and other times I am not.
Wow pity me and this is what I feel...I also feel that through this sharing I want to break the chains of despondency and pull through to the other side. That is to walk the narrow path.
But I avoid pushing myself because that brings forth more suffering. If I feel I need to sleep I would rather sleep...other times if I feel I need to push I push at all costs...lack of sleep, food, love, etc.
My brain and nervous system are clogged and are crying and screaming to be cleaned. All this suffering came from holding on and puts me in bondage.
The child in me is crying for his mom, crying to be nurtured and taken care of, the man in me is yearning to tear out of his cage and rage his warfare on the world. Yes the man is aware of the pain he has caused others and that his rage does not make for his being present and connected with others. He wants to gain for himself and prove something to himself and to the world.
So we are at a cross roads between man and child child and man and somewhere in between.
But I know I am not me and he is not I. That the Holy Spirit and His guardian angels are in control of guiding his path. He must continue to step out of the way of himself and continue to trust in the Holiest of all Holy Paths...this is where his salvation lives and his suffering disappears..let go of the world and so not resist it...here u will find yourself, you will find the God you have been looking for. Do not be afraid to keep looking deeper. Here you will find truth and life. But continue to engage the world and all that is in it to find where u are in it all and that always you are safe. But do not worry for worrying will bring forth struggle and resistance. You will fight to bring back the old you. You will fight and stay attached to the things you left behind, the things of the world. Let them go and fly!

Thoughts on Passions and Happiness

The resistance of passions, what will it bring? Happiness, peace, contentment?
If the mind is always running how can we catch it in the right place to bring forth the fruits of our thoughts?
We don't know if we can get to a place where we will be solvent or enlightened...whole and complete...
Most people are happy struggling along, living with pain and suffering looking for not the whole answer but partial answers to life...
We are not willing to "give it all up" in search of the true path or the right way. Therefore, we live as though there is a trade off of ups and downs which results in give and take and therefore we have instability. So the balance becomes the art and how we maintain our peace and sanity in the midst of the chaos is what differentiates the crazies from the peaceful. But then again aren't we all a bit crazy!
Lost in the world of our wants, needs, desires and so on?
SO what will bring us to a place of fulfillment? Do we need to let go entirely. Not each, not drink, not talk, not walk and so forth? Can we find this peace all the time or only sometimes and if it is sometimes is it only sometimes that we get it and sometimes we don't. Or do we have it all the time but have few tools to access it and experience it? If we were solvent, enlightened would we have needs, wants, desires or would the universe provide for us what it is that we need just because it knows what it is we need and provides like a mother to a child.
The answers cannot be found in the immediate but in the continuum of life. Coming and going, giving and taking...loving and hating, compassion and anger, the balance is somewhere in the middle. I pray to find it, I seek it, without it I am nothing, with it I am nothing. God give me peace!

Dear Mom

Dear Mom...

If only I could see you in heaven
You must be glowing with light
I am down here on earth and sometimes
I forget to let the light shine
I'll wallow in the darkness of my thoughts
Just to arrive in the peaceful waters
my very own sanity
I lose site of the goal, to be with you once more
then you show up for a moment, just enough to
see you're really there
Until once again I cannot access your presence
But you tell me you are still here, in my midst
with me, loving me the whole time
Can I be with you forever?
Lets catch up on all the time we have been apart
Though for me a day is forever, for you a year is but a blip
Shine you're light on me and give me your love
Show me you're there and let me hear your voice
Dear Mom won't you shine your light on me...

Conversation with a friend

how r u?

overall things are getting much better
i feel good
everyday I feel a little bit better
as I stick to what is important to me
and dig deeper into my lifes purpose

how about you?

i am fine

are you in touch with Jonny much?

Jonny?
sorry, can't remember who is Jonny
or Freddie?
he was the best man for Freddie's wedding
so whats new with you?
what are you up to these days?

ah, ok..i saw them lately
they r ok
not much new stuff
still think that things in my life can get better, and i am trying to make them good..so it's just a regular circle of life here
with ups and downs
and not to mention the country i live in

that seems to be a theme of life
for many people
have you begun writing the future of your life?

it has to be, u have life, don't just let it slip away

what will your legacy be?
what is important to you?
what matters?
etc.

no i didn't write amything so far i have it in my head
i just go step by step


how about if you begin to get it out into the world
and out of your head
do you think that would make a difference?

maybe, more like a reminder
to read what wroten every day
not bad idea
thax man
so u do that
write everthing down?

write it, read it, examine it, reflect on it, express it
otherwise the world cannot know that it exists
and thus it is all trapped inside of by being
crying inside of me to let it out
then I get sad and depressed
so it is better to sing it to the world
so the world can embrase me
as I am
where I am
however I am
then I will begin to see the light

nice
lucky you
seems like u have a clear vision of what u want and how your life supposed to be

its a work in progress, a practice more or less
sometimes we get stuck
in our thoughts
and that affects everything
actions are the same and so no progress or creativity is present
this is sufficating our very nature
though we think we are being natural much of the time
we are actually pretending
that we are truly living our life in a way that breathes life back into us so we can share it with others
we pretend because we forgot what we were like as children
free and happy
and then we make up stuff to cover up who we really and truly are
and we lose site of the truth
that we are on a voyage
playing a game
sharing a dance
with the universe
and we are the deciders

i enjoyed in these words very much
thanx again
it's meaningful
glad u r ok
and feeling like this
and yes it's true
we r the deciders
and we should never forget that

okay dear
thank you for connecting with me today
i enjoyed hearing from you

same here
take care
and hope our paths will cross somewhere
somehow
in future
to share a dance

ciao bello

ciao bella
I've enjoyed our encounter

Global Coherence Initiative

Chase the world

I am not out to chase the world. The world will always be there until it won't anymore.
But rather to define myself within the world is where I stand and to define how my life will go is the key.
To do this firstly I must get clear on who I have been up until this point. Otherwise my efforts will likely to be rendered useless as what I would be doing is putting words and ideas on top of the created past.
This is similar to the parable to build a house on a shifting or unstable foundation. The sand as it were.
To do this will require a deep meditation...to clear and forgive the past for all that was and all that has been.
This will require an in depth analysis of who I have been, where I have gone, the lives I have been a part of, the regret I hold on to, the concerns I cyclically foster, the rewards I thought I wanted, the states of ignorance and the experiences of death of self.

Alan Watts: Buddhism And Christianity - Pt. 2 of 2

Alan Watts: Buddhism And Christianity - Pt. 1 of 2

Per a personal interest in distinguishing Buddhism and Christianity. Fascinating stuff!