Feeling Shame

Feeling shame for one's doings of the past. Work to make up for his wrongs. Realizing a life lived for someone else. At first his intentions seemed good but with further investigation of his words, intentions and actions were merely a reflection of his beliefs in what could be if the stars aligned, his timing was perfect, his heart was right, his mind was clear and love was in the center of his life. Not any kind of love but true love, the kind of love that is for God first, others second and himself last.
Many men have fought and lost wars. But in fact all fighting is against the true nature of man. When perspective is shifted and man turns against his nature the door has been opened for corruption of man to set it. Fantasy, Illusion, Delusion, Dreams and Ideology can and will lead one astray and against his nature. For only pure heart and pure mind can lead one to his promised land. Divine intervention cannot and should not be sought after for seeking such power can only lead on in to the depths of his own undoing and away from an intense focus on realistic possibilities.
Perhaps the biggest danger to man is is the man who does not know himself but thinks he does or perhaps he does not know himself but thinks he knows his circumstances enough to get what he wants or what he things he wants or what he thinks will make him honored or accepted or unalienable from the depths of his own tragedy.
But the profound realization sets in and he knows now that he has abused his power, his innate abilities he has squandered and thus he has created a mess for himself. This mess has caused others to leave him, cause him to become weakened and sad, confused with worldly passions always searching for the answer that was and has been given to him so often but he neglected to see it, accept it and live by it until now. But this time is different for the truth has been revealed and this time he is ready to accept it at the cost of giving up the battle which he had been fighting, leaving behind a mess to be cleaned up by those who had abandoned him long before this realization. And now he was is start with a new start, a fresh start, a blank slate, new surroundings, new ways of thinking and living, sobriety, new friendships and most importantly the inner stillness and peace which he had been thirsting for all along.

Writings from a Monastery