Dear God why do I cry inside....why have a sunk to despair?
Why is it that one moment I am on a high and the next moment I am on a low...
Why do I one day desire the things of the world and the next day I want to sink away into nothingness?
Can you give me the answer the one that I need to know
Will you being me peace the kind that I've been looking for?
When will you just take me away...breathe into my existence and let me fly away with you
My thoughts are thick and my experience is deep.
Maybe one day I'll figure it out or maybe there is nothing to figure out maybe all there is is to accept...the way things are the way they are...this is the purpose that drives me away
Maybe I can have it all! All that I desire but then what will I be giving up to get that?
Will I become hardened like the rest of them?
Will I sacrifice love to gain all of the things?
Will I prove myself right to be the one that gets the recognition?
People want to be loved and to be taken care of.
So what can be said except God give me energy...let me fly like the birds in the sky and let the wind take me away...thats what I want and it's what I need...bring me stability and peace of mind that I may ground myself in truth and life...breathe into my core the breath of life
Sunday, March 6
Sunday morning thoughts...
I have very low energy...I cannot feel my heart or presence love for myself or others...I often presence the past...how much pain I have caused others...is it because of my suffering that I have caused others to struggle? Why am I on this planet?
I am not here...I am between here and somewhere else. I am suffering because I do not feel connected to the source...sometimes I am connected and other times I am not.
Wow pity me and this is what I feel...I also feel that through this sharing I want to break the chains of despondency and pull through to the other side. That is to walk the narrow path.
But I avoid pushing myself because that brings forth more suffering. If I feel I need to sleep I would rather sleep...other times if I feel I need to push I push at all costs...lack of sleep, food, love, etc.
My brain and nervous system are clogged and are crying and screaming to be cleaned. All this suffering came from holding on and puts me in bondage.
The child in me is crying for his mom, crying to be nurtured and taken care of, the man in me is yearning to tear out of his cage and rage his warfare on the world. Yes the man is aware of the pain he has caused others and that his rage does not make for his being present and connected with others. He wants to gain for himself and prove something to himself and to the world.
So we are at a cross roads between man and child child and man and somewhere in between.
But I know I am not me and he is not I. That the Holy Spirit and His guardian angels are in control of guiding his path. He must continue to step out of the way of himself and continue to trust in the Holiest of all Holy Paths...this is where his salvation lives and his suffering disappears..let go of the world and so not resist it...here u will find yourself, you will find the God you have been looking for. Do not be afraid to keep looking deeper. Here you will find truth and life. But continue to engage the world and all that is in it to find where u are in it all and that always you are safe. But do not worry for worrying will bring forth struggle and resistance. You will fight to bring back the old you. You will fight and stay attached to the things you left behind, the things of the world. Let them go and fly!
I am not here...I am between here and somewhere else. I am suffering because I do not feel connected to the source...sometimes I am connected and other times I am not.
Wow pity me and this is what I feel...I also feel that through this sharing I want to break the chains of despondency and pull through to the other side. That is to walk the narrow path.
But I avoid pushing myself because that brings forth more suffering. If I feel I need to sleep I would rather sleep...other times if I feel I need to push I push at all costs...lack of sleep, food, love, etc.
My brain and nervous system are clogged and are crying and screaming to be cleaned. All this suffering came from holding on and puts me in bondage.
The child in me is crying for his mom, crying to be nurtured and taken care of, the man in me is yearning to tear out of his cage and rage his warfare on the world. Yes the man is aware of the pain he has caused others and that his rage does not make for his being present and connected with others. He wants to gain for himself and prove something to himself and to the world.
So we are at a cross roads between man and child child and man and somewhere in between.
But I know I am not me and he is not I. That the Holy Spirit and His guardian angels are in control of guiding his path. He must continue to step out of the way of himself and continue to trust in the Holiest of all Holy Paths...this is where his salvation lives and his suffering disappears..let go of the world and so not resist it...here u will find yourself, you will find the God you have been looking for. Do not be afraid to keep looking deeper. Here you will find truth and life. But continue to engage the world and all that is in it to find where u are in it all and that always you are safe. But do not worry for worrying will bring forth struggle and resistance. You will fight to bring back the old you. You will fight and stay attached to the things you left behind, the things of the world. Let them go and fly!
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